I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
