I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
