??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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