yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
