And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
