You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently you make a good broom.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize