I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
