Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
