Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
