oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
