i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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