I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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