I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I party with great urgency now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
