i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
