Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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