Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
