I need help removing her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
