Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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