He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
