Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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