this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
