I just threw up on my dentist
barbara walters just said penis...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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