Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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