look no pants
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
