Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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