I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
