Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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