So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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