even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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