i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
