i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
