Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
