she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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