I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
