dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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