I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
These tits shall not be calmed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
