Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we're so committed to being not committed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
