I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
