I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
