After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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