tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
you never un-have a 4some
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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