There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
