Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
