you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
