im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
