Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize