Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
