Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
