I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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