I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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