I feel like abortions should bother me more
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
