woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
