Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
