Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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