mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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