have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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