I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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