Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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