ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
