hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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