obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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