I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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