When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
