Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
