i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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