I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
