He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
